We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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