Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize