Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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