he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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