Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
