I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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