she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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