Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
