i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
false alarm, still single
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
