Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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