You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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