We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
