I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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