wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have demons in me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
