Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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