my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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