He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
