is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize