Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
