What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
