Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
