In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
