Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
