ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
