I just pynch a tree in the face
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
