I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
