2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
