Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
