can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
