quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
