I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
