based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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