eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
