the new term for farting is butt boxing.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize