So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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