my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
