I just threw up on my dentist
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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