Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
