I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
