So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
