How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize