shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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