it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
