youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
