No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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