we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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