Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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