Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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