I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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