When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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