I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
