you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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