He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
