i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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