I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Screwed.edu
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
