Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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