I met the friendliest cop last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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