Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
