I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
