While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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