): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize