Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
