That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
