what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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