there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
