Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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