If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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