I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
