when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
